Chivalry is DEAD

Take me back to the sock hop days where men in top hats, suits and suspenders pulled out chairs for their women to sit, and opened doors for them walk. Take me back to the 1950's where the gentlemen circa was triumphant............................

Because this 21st century chivalry is just not working for me. I can count on one hand how many times I've seen men hold a door open for women or open the passenger side door for them. Chivalry is dead and buried and I doubt that the little bit of chivalry that's left will last, considering that it's hanging on by a thread.

Chivalry nowadays is paying for dinner or "offering" to use a condom before f***ing. Somewhere between the juke box days and now, guys found it ok to ignore chivalrist acts. Just the other day I saw I guy let a door smash in a girls face (even though he saw her behind him). And just the other day, I saw a girl walking down a pair of steps, wearing stilettos, and not one guy offered her help. And just last week I saw a couple walking outside in the cold. The guy had on a coat, and the girl didn't. And do you think he bothered offering his coat to her????

Fellas? You guys have to do better.

Not shying away from my skin tone

(My first op-ed piece in my school newspaper)

Higher Better Movement hosted a forum entitled, Light skin vs. Dark skin on Thursday night in Dickey Hall auditorium. It focused on the stereotypes and preferences that surrounded the two most noted African American skin complexions. The discussion also focused on ways to break the negative stereotypes that society has built around them.

The four-person panel consisted of what would be considered a light toned male and female, a dark toned male and myself.

Each of us were asked questions regarding our skin complexion, including a question about what complexion we would rather date.

The room filled with laughter and whispers after my response. I told the room full of strangers at the first Historically Black College and University that I preferred neither complexion, but if I had to pick it would be lighter toned men due to the fact that I prefer white men.

Not even for a second was I surprised by their reactions. I knew the whispers and laughs were because they were not expecting someone like me to say that.

I then laughed to myself. Reactions such as this make me treasure my different interest. I appreciate being outside of the box.

We were then asked what stereotypes have we been exposed to.

"The usual," is what I told them. We have all heard how light skin people are preferred over people with darker complexions. But I was quick to mention that the stereotype is ancient and long gone, that the new "in thing" was darker skin.

Not that there should be an "in" or "out" complexion, but stereotypically it would be untruthful to say that stereotypes are not what shapes our preferences.

My fellow darker skin panel member brought up the tall, dark and handsome image that the media has marketed. I spoke about how highly favored dark skin men are opposed to lighter skin men.

White, Black and Asian women all seem to prefer darker men. I mentioned how darker men are looked at as that strong black Mandingo warrior who fears no man or anything, who takes care of his mate and are the kings of their thresholds; characteristics that most women desire. I believe this to be so, based on previous conversations I've engaged in with multiple women from different races. Don't just take my word for it, but look at publicized media couples, Heidi Klum and Seal, Taye Diggs and Indina Menzel, Ellen Pompeo and Chris Ivery. And Welsey Snipes, who has dated countless Asian women.

Based on these images, I asked myself a long time ago, if Black men can date women outside their race, then why can't I?

Being a dark skin female panelist unfortunately was not an eye opener for me. Maybe because the stereotypes were not new to me and the few that still existed were barely hanging on. Or maybe it was because I have always embraced my complexion and have chosen to shun insecurities regarding it due to others and their opinions or perceptions.

But the one thing I must say after leaving that forum, is that I felt the same way about myself as I did when entering, if not feeling more empowered.

I, La'Rhonda Swales from Washington, D.C., consider myself dark skin and am proud of it.

Agressive woman are single woman

Way too often do woman compliment themselves on how much they're "wifey" material. And not often enough, do women take time out to ask themselves why they're "wifey" material but still single. Here are my thoughts:

One of several reasons why is because women pry themseleves on being independent too much. And eventually that independence leads to cockiniess, and then that cockiness somehow turns into an overly strong black women, and that eventually leads to agression. As weird and unorthodox as that transitiion may sound, its true. Women always tell men to act like men, but how can they when women insist on wearing the pants? Often times, women give men two alternatives; their way or the high way. And niether option is desirable.

Men want women who are independent. Yes. But not to the point where their independence becomes masculine. Men like the word "daddy" for a reason. It symbolizes power, strength and testosterone. Naturally, men like to feel like men. And a man who likes to feel as such, doesn't want a women who possesses the same characteristics. So my advice to agressive women is to tone it down. It's not about changing who you are to find a man. It's about altering small parts of yourself to make men feel comfortable.

"Modern Day Baby Boomers"

"Babies are blessings no matter how they get here" (or so they say). However this new modern day baby booming era is spreading rapidly! Every which way I look, a friend, or a friend of a friend is pregnant or have already conceived. Like Im so sick and tired of seeing Facebook pictures of pregnant girls taking mirror flicks of their stomachs and loser "baby fathers". I feel like I've missed the "have a baby or you're not cool memo"!

And I choose to be "uncool" anyyyyydayyyyy!

Its saddening and annoying to see young ladies and young gents having babies when they're still learning lives responsibilities. And not to mention the small ratio of youth that are in college and are having babies [now], which most of the times leads them to becoming college drop-outs. I hate to be the barrier of bad news, but once you have a baby at a young age, its practically over. (Your youth that is). Fun in the sun with friends, partying, shopping and acting like a normal teen is all over, because of that unconscious spear of the moment act. Not only are young parents robbing themselves from their youth, but they're robbing their babies chances at having a good life. Because lets face it, 9 times out of 10, money will be scarce. And are you guys really ok with saying, "this is my baby father/ baby mother?" Like does that really sound catchy???? Its sounds ridiculous and non honorable to me. Especially when you all are no longer boyfriend or girlfriend, or in some cases you guys never were to begin with. I don't know if girls are trying to prove something or if they think that having a kid at a young age is just the "in" thing, but Im here to tell you foolish girls that its not cool nor cute. So for the "few" girls who aren't pregnant "yet", please be wise and don't fall into this crazed pregnant trap.

"Mix it UP a bit"

I say mix it UP a bit! Im a huge fan and advocate for inter and bi racial dating. I think that its important that we embrace and experiment with opposite races and cultures. Ive been dating a mixed guy for over 3yrs years now, (I guess you can consider that inter racial dating). And being in an inter racial relationship has been one of the greatest experiences I've ever had! I've learned so much. I know some people might think that "whites" don't have "authentic" cultural characteristics and or traditions; I.e like Asians or Jews but, thats far from the truth. Im not saying that people should force themselves to date outside of their race, Im just simply encouraging people to keep an open mind. Dating inside my race became too familiar and boring. And though my guy is black and white, I still feel a sense of opposite cultural and diversity. I love seeing Asians with Blacks and Whites with Blacks and so forth and so fourth!

I could careless about the discrimination and acceptance of others. People are always going to have something negative to say, whether its about who you're dating, what you're wearing or where you work.

So I challenge you, you and you to try something new! Ask out that hot girl or guy that you always thought was "cute for a White guy or Asian girl"! Who knows, they may end up being your soulmate like my guy did! :)

Fashion Killer (Part II)

I hate fashion, I just like to look nice..... quoted by -Yours truly.
I live by this quote everyday and will never neglect it! I hate everything that fashion has surfaced to be! To me, fashion has become an overrated, follow the leader, often non-original and trying too hard to be someone you're not type of gesture. Feel free to differ. But I must say that wearing the latest brands and tryin to look good for others is foolish and irrelevant. And then there's the part where one must define wat being fashionable includes? Because most of the people who think they're "fashionistas" have convinced themeselves of such. (And self inclusion dosent count)! It seems as if fashion has become an infested fad and I don't want to be part of it! Everyone thinks that because they own a Bettysville bag, a pair of Ray Bans and shop at vintage thrift stores they're fashionistas! NEWS FLASH.... it makes you non-original and jus like everyone else! But me, I like to look nice, I could careless about what's in or out, new or old, cheap or expensive....... F**k fashion, Im a killer! , a fashion killer! And you fake fashionistas, have just been SERVED!

START Snitching!

So we all heard of the saying, "Snitches get stitches".... but do they really?

I thought the snitching phase had died down, but apparently not. Because recently I've been hearing it all over again. And to be honest, I get sick to my stomach when I hear people say that! Why would someone want to save or protect a criminal who has harmed or killed someone!? Why should a murderer or someone who will harm again be allowed to? I mean someone help me out here! Lets say the victim was your best friend, mother or your child. Would'nt you want someone to come forward?

And it seems like the whole 'snitching' deal is most popular in 'urban' neighborhoods. Why is that? Is it some type of 'hood code of conduct'? And if so why? Snitching dosent make you any less of a man, if anything it makes you a better one. Its one thing to lack class or respect, but its another thing to lack human descency.

And then there's this 'get stitches' ordeal. People have this crazy conotation that if they snitch, they're gonna die! Like really? Hop off of that excuse. The chances of someome killing you are slim to none! And Remaining anonymous is always optional. And besides, I'd rather die doing the right thing, than live with doing the wrong thing. Its a conscious that no one should want to befriend. Im a advocate for 'snitchig' and if need be, or God forbid, one day I have to.... then so be it! It would'nt take the interegation of a cop or the tears of a broken family for me to come forward.

Maybe the word 'snitch' is the problem. Is "saving a life" ok? Or what about "helping a family"? Does that sound better?

D.C Finally Did It

For those of you who don't know (or can't read this huge colorful sign to the left of this blog), Im a HUGE supporter and advocate for the gay community (although Im 100% heterosexual). I respect the lifestyles that same sex couples have chosen to live.

Im proud to announce that same-sex marriages are now legal in DC! We are the 6th state to acknowledge same-sex marriges in the U.S. Late last year the bill was being proccessed and reviewed, and March 3 of this year the bill was passed! Its ashame that it took this long for recognition of happiness. The sex of a person should have never been relevant. Unfortunaltley it was, but no longer! Thanks to the persistence and hard work of the openly gay DC Councilman David Catania and Mayor Anthony Fenty, the gays in the nations capital are now able to live incandescently happy as they ought to!

Marriage is a human right ----- not a heterosexual privilege -RadicalRags

Special congratulations to my gay friends Brittany and Jarel :)

Dear dad,

haven't seen you in years....... better yet my whole life. But not once have I cried or blamed myself for your absence. Never been the weak minded insecure girl saddened by the rejection of her own dad. And I never will (I guess I got that trait from my mom). But I do however often think about your reasons for abondoning your two twin daughters at the age of 2. I actually laugh out loud sometimes at the lack of courage your punka** had to take care of your responsibliites. I laugh even harder when I think about how successful Im going to be, and how you will never have the chance to be a part of that. Ha! (knee slapper)! Shame on you. I think it would only be fair to let you know that you missed out on 21years of pure greatness! My sis and I are doing well thanks to you. Your self dismissal from our lives, turned out to be the best thing that you could have ever done for us. So I guess this is the part where I say thank you?? But I would'nt give you the satisfaction of that. So here's a quiet head nod and FOUR middle fingers UP! Two from me and two from my sister!

Sincerely,
daddy's little girl

BlackPeople"Racist".com

Its 2:30am in the morning and Im watching Jerry Springer. A commercial comes on advertising online dating for singles. Now thats not the crazy part. I mean thats pretty normal. But what wasnt ok was the name and the intended audience! "Black People Meet.com!" Are you kidding me! So I jumped out of my bed angry and mad as hell! How dare black people complain about how racism still exists when they're the ones keeping the existence alive? And its crazy how the advertisers weren't even discrete with it! The commercial said the word "black" 100 times and only had black people in the advertisment, and if that wasn't enough, the name "Black People Meet" put the cherry on top of the cake! Black people really messed up this time. I wonder how many whites are looking at this website as an escapegoat to make a new website entitled "For whites". And as soon as that happens, black people will be crossed and enraged. Im an African American and even I can see the double standard between this racism thing. Its really sickeneing to see my own people yell racsism when they're the main ones being the racist. The website needs to be abolished or redone and retitled. It seems like African Americans feel as though they can do or say anything negative towards or about whites just because of our past. And thats totally wrong! Racism is Racism whether its white to black, vice versa or vice race. I mean c'mon, when are black people gonna meet reality?

So you think you got it bad huh?

I went to sleep complaining about my hair, clothes and school. I woke feeling the same way. I tweeted my morning tweet and noticed that a lot of people were talking about Haiti's. So me being a future journalist and all, I decided to research it. And wow!!! Every complaint that I went to bed and woke up with ceased me! A body here, a body there, a head smashed beneath rocks and rubble and pavement and dust attached to the body's of the surviving! Schools, homes, cathedrals and family's smashed and destroyed. No time to evacuate, or protect themselves from this deadly disaster!

The body count is in the hundred thousands....... and counting........

I decided that my hair looked fine, and there was no need to go clothes shopping and that school would be ok. But its as shame that it took a tragedy as such, for me to notice those things. As a whole, I think that its vital that we start to become more grateful for the things that we do have, as well as our loved ones. If you're a religious person, keep the families of the Haiti's victims in your prayers. Here's a website where you can donate money to Haiti's. http://tech.spreadit.org/yele-haitiwww-yele-org/ or http://twibbon.com/join/Haiti

-Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. ~James Dean

Alexis Walls: Update

A few post back I did a piece on Alexis Walls, an up and coming fashion designer who also happens to be my bestfriend. I promised you guys that I would post some pictures of her collection.... So here it is!!!!

Leopard blazer and black dress

Satin blouse and high waisted pencil skirt

Tubetop dress and vest

Her entire collection

Designer: Ms. Alexis Walls