Tuesday, February 8, 2011

"No No's'" For Straight Males

There are no written rules that entails what a straight guy should and shouldn't say, or do. However, the way I see it, some things are just not meant to be said or done by straight males. So here are MY top "No, No's" that a straight guy shouldn't be caught dead saying or doing.

1. After a certain age, no guy should call their fathers, "daddy".
2. No guy should write, text, or tweet smiley faces to any other guy, under ANY circumstances.
3. If it's drizzling, a guy should not carry an umbrella.
4. No guy should call another guy after 9p.m. (unless its urgent. And I mean really urgent).
5. Guys shouldn't "love" to go shopping.
6. It's not ok for a guy to say, or write the word "hey" with more than three y's. (I.e "heyyyyyyyy").
7. A dude should never prefer cuddling over sex.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Home stretch

It's the home stretch people. Bases aren't loaded anymore. I've gotten through freshmen, sophomore, junior and half of my senior year. In four months, I'm going to wave good-bye to college and wave wats uppppppppp to the real world! And honestly, I don't know if I'm ready. I mean yeah, my professors have given me the necessary tools and equipment that I need to survive out there, but I don't know if I've soaken them all in yet. I'm only 21, and when I graduate, I'm going to be competing in a very competitive market up against more experienced and more prestigous canidates, and that terrifies the hell out of me. I hate wondering if they were taught something that I wasn't, or if my decision to go to a HBCU was a fatal move that could possibly make or break my future. But I try to tell myself that, it's not always about what I know or where I was educated, but it's also about how passionate I am about what I do and how "I" choose to transform that into success. I also try to remember that I've been mentored and crafted by amazing editors, writers and reporters, who all believed in me.

So I guess it's time for me to believe in myself. No more of "The Little Engine that could". I need to be "The Little Engine who WILL.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Chivalry is DEAD

Take me back to the sock hop days where men in top hats, suits and suspenders pulled out chairs for their women to sit, and opened doors for them walk. Take me back to the 1950's where the gentlemen circa was triumphant............................

Because this 21st century chivalry is just not working for me. I can count on one hand how many times I've seen men hold a door open for women or open the passenger side door for them. Chivalry is dead and buried and I doubt that the little bit of chivalry that's left will last, considering that it's hanging on by a thread.

Chivalry nowadays is paying for dinner or "offering" to use a condom before f***ing. Somewhere between the juke box days and now, guys found it ok to ignore chivalrist acts. Just the other day I saw I guy let a door smash in a girls face (even though he saw her behind him). And just the other day, I saw a girl walking down a pair of steps, wearing stilettos, and not one guy offered her help. And just last week I saw a couple walking outside in the cold. The guy had on a coat, and the girl didn't. And do you think he bothered offering his coat to her????

Fellas? You guys have to do better.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Not shying away from my skin tone

(My first op-ed piece in my school newspaper)

Higher Better Movement hosted a forum entitled, Light skin vs. Dark skin on Thursday night in Dickey Hall auditorium. It focused on the stereotypes and preferences that surrounded the two most noted African American skin complexions. The discussion also focused on ways to break the negative stereotypes that society has built around them.

The four-person panel consisted of what would be considered a light toned male and female, a dark toned male and myself.

Each of us were asked questions regarding our skin complexion, including a question about what complexion we would rather date.

The room filled with laughter and whispers after my response. I told the room full of strangers at the first Historically Black College and University that I preferred neither complexion, but if I had to pick it would be lighter toned men due to the fact that I prefer white men.

Not even for a second was I surprised by their reactions. I knew the whispers and laughs were because they were not expecting someone like me to say that.

I then laughed to myself. Reactions such as this make me treasure my different interest. I appreciate being outside of the box.

We were then asked what stereotypes have we been exposed to.

"The usual," is what I told them. We have all heard how light skin people are preferred over people with darker complexions. But I was quick to mention that the stereotype is ancient and long gone, that the new "in thing" was darker skin.

Not that there should be an "in" or "out" complexion, but stereotypically it would be untruthful to say that stereotypes are not what shapes our preferences.

My fellow darker skin panel member brought up the tall, dark and handsome image that the media has marketed. I spoke about how highly favored dark skin men are opposed to lighter skin men.

White, Black and Asian women all seem to prefer darker men. I mentioned how darker men are looked at as that strong black Mandingo warrior who fears no man or anything, who takes care of his mate and are the kings of their thresholds; characteristics that most women desire. I believe this to be so, based on previous conversations I've engaged in with multiple women from different races. Don't just take my word for it, but look at publicized media couples, Heidi Klum and Seal, Taye Diggs and Indina Menzel, Ellen Pompeo and Chris Ivery. And Welsey Snipes, who has dated countless Asian women.

Based on these images, I asked myself a long time ago, if Black men can date women outside their race, then why can't I?

Being a dark skin female panelist unfortunately was not an eye opener for me. Maybe because the stereotypes were not new to me and the few that still existed were barely hanging on. Or maybe it was because I have always embraced my complexion and have chosen to shun insecurities regarding it due to others and their opinions or perceptions.

But the one thing I must say after leaving that forum, is that I felt the same way about myself as I did when entering, if not feeling more empowered.

I, La'Rhonda Swales from Washington, D.C., consider myself dark skin and am proud of it.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Agressive woman are single woman

Way too often do woman compliment themselves on how much they're "wifey" material. And not often enough, do women take time out to ask themselves why they're "wifey" material but still single. Here are my thoughts:

One of several reasons why is because women pry themseleves on being independent too much. And eventually that independence leads to cockiniess, and then that cockiness somehow turns into an overly strong black women, and that eventually leads to agression. As weird and unorthodox as that transitiion may sound, its true. Women always tell men to act like men, but how can they when women insist on wearing the pants? Often times, women give men two alternatives; their way or the high way. And niether option is desirable.

Men want women who are independent. Yes. But not to the point where their independence becomes masculine. Men like the word "daddy" for a reason. It symbolizes power, strength and testosterone. Naturally, men like to feel like men. And a man who likes to feel as such, doesn't want a women who possesses the same characteristics. So my advice to agressive women is to tone it down. It's not about changing who you are to find a man. It's about altering small parts of yourself to make men feel comfortable.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

"Modern Day Baby Boomers"

"Babies are blessings no matter how they get here" (or so they say). However this new modern day baby booming era is spreading rapidly! Every which way I look, a friend, or a friend of a friend is pregnant or have already conceived. Like Im so sick and tired of seeing Facebook pictures of pregnant girls taking mirror flicks of their stomachs and loser "baby fathers". I feel like I've missed the "have a baby or you're not cool memo"!

And I choose to be "uncool" anyyyyydayyyyy!

Its saddening and annoying to see young ladies and young gents having babies when they're still learning lives responsibilities. And not to mention the small ratio of youth that are in college and are having babies [now], which most of the times leads them to becoming college drop-outs. I hate to be the barrier of bad news, but once you have a baby at a young age, its practically over. (Your youth that is). Fun in the sun with friends, partying, shopping and acting like a normal teen is all over, because of that unconscious spear of the moment act. Not only are young parents robbing themselves from their youth, but they're robbing their babies chances at having a good life. Because lets face it, 9 times out of 10, money will be scarce. And are you guys really ok with saying, "this is my baby father/ baby mother?" Like does that really sound catchy???? Its sounds ridiculous and non honorable to me. Especially when you all are no longer boyfriend or girlfriend, or in some cases you guys never were to begin with. I don't know if girls are trying to prove something or if they think that having a kid at a young age is just the "in" thing, but Im here to tell you foolish girls that its not cool nor cute. So for the "few" girls who aren't pregnant "yet", please be wise and don't fall into this crazed pregnant trap.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

"Mix it UP a bit"

I say mix it UP a bit! Im a huge fan and advocate for inter and bi racial dating. I think that its important that we embrace and experiment with opposite races and cultures. Ive been dating a mixed guy for over 3yrs years now, (I guess you can consider that inter racial dating). And being in an inter racial relationship has been one of the greatest experiences I've ever had! I've learned so much. I know some people might think that "whites" don't have "authentic" cultural characteristics and or traditions; I.e like Asians or Jews but, thats far from the truth. Im not saying that people should force themselves to date outside of their race, Im just simply encouraging people to keep an open mind. Dating inside my race became too familiar and boring. And though my guy is black and white, I still feel a sense of opposite cultural and diversity. I love seeing Asians with Blacks and Whites with Blacks and so forth and so fourth!

I could careless about the discrimination and acceptance of others. People are always going to have something negative to say, whether its about who you're dating, what you're wearing or where you work.

So I challenge you, you and you to try something new! Ask out that hot girl or guy that you always thought was "cute for a White guy or Asian girl"! Who knows, they may end up being your soulmate like my guy did! :)